It was supposed to be a delightful pastoral staff retreat in the Great Smoky Mountains. For several years, our pastoral staff had spent four or five days together in early Autumn to bond together and spiritually renew our souls for the task of leading the church. More than once we had rented a mountain retreat house, cooked most of our own meals, enjoyed camaraderie outside the daily grind, and personal time with God. Our espirit de corps was strengthened as the mind relaxed. But in the Fall of 2012 our trip included a scene more reminiscent of a Tom Hanks nightmare than a refreshing retreat– especially for one special castaway and his comrades.
Category Archives: Humor
REFRIGERATOR PRIVILEGES
(Caution: This blog post might contain never before heard confessions. Please don’t laugh out loud.)
I’m certain you have heard it said of someone, “Oh, they’re close. They’re just like family.” Oh really? Are you sure? Here’s the way to know if they’re really “just like family”– do they have the right to walk into your house and go straight to the refrigerator and get what ever they want to eat or drink? Do they feel comfortable doing that in your home? Do YOU feel comfortable allowing them to do that? If the answer to all three questions is YES, then they are indeed “just like family.” They have “refrigerator privileges!”
TRAINING WHEELS AND ROADBLOCKS
It has taken me fifty plus years to see it, although it was obvious to my childhood friends and family. I never saw it in myself, but it’s true. I was a bonafide, scaredy-cat kid. I was overly cautious, super careful, and hesitant to take risks– at least about things that might cause bodily injury and pain.
I wasn’t hesitant to open my mouth, that’s for sure. And I never had stage fright. But when it came to the prospect of bodily peril, I was out. Saying no was no problem when there was even the smell of a hazard. It was more than just the regular childhood fears– like fearing the dark, fearing shots, fearing the dentist, etc. Mine were fears that became major hinderances. My fears probably kept me out of trouble in some respects, but placed unnecessary roadblocks into my life as a whole. It was a miserable place to be, and I didn’t even recognize it. For instance……
AMBULANCE CHASERS
When the term “Ambulance Chaser” is used, it is normally in reference to injury lawyers who make their living off of filing lawsuits on behalf of those who have suffered loss– usually damage at the hands of well-insured businesses and corporations. They often show up at disaster sites or after tragic events, hoping to get new clients to file lawsuits. Most people don’t like the smell of lawsuits that look like personal revenge– until THEY become injured or wronged. Then the tables are turned. It’s a tough call, for sure.
But growing up in the small Alabama town of Ashland, the idea of “ambulance chasing” had nothing to do with the legal profession, or with “revenge.” It was exactly what it sounds like– chasing ambulances. Continue reading AMBULANCE CHASERS
THE LADY OF THE LAKE
My mother, Marylyn Sims, never learned to swim. For some reason she had a fear of deep water, although none of us know where it came from. Sadly, she passed that fear down to me somewhere in my childhood. Until I was about nine years old, I buckled myself into ski belts and life jackets every time I went swimming. (The inflatable arm swimmies hadn’t been invented yet.) I wasn’t afraid of the pool, or of water in general; I just wouldn’t swim. I played in the creek beside my home almost every day of my life, but the water was shallow. When my brother or a friend would hassle me about not being able to swim, I just responded with, “So what? Mom can’t swim either.” I had made up my mind that swimming wasn’t for me. And that’s the way it was until the Lady of the Lake changed everything.
