Category Archives: Humor

THE “CRUB” MARKET

fresh veggiesFor YEARS, at the southeast corner of 2nd Avenue South and the Mellow Valley Highway stood the Ashland Crub Market.  Yes, you read it correctly– “crub” market.  A ten foot, homemade  sign emblazoned with black letters on a plain white background greeted travelers headed south from town, just one block from the court house square.  Almost all Ashlanders will remember it.

Obviously, it was supposed to say “curb market,” which is an open air fresh fruit and vegetable stand, common throughout the South.  At curb markets, we could buy fresh produce by the box or by the item, cash only.  It was a quick, happy way to usher those fresh grown veggies into the kitchen– especially for Ashlanders who didn’t have time to work their own gardens.

Continue reading THE “CRUB” MARKET

HOLY HORSEFLIES !

stained glassI enjoy officiating at weddings.  It’s a happy time for a happy couple filled with memories for a lifetime.  I want each ceremony that I am honored to perform to be a special one for the bride, groom, and their families.  It’s a sacred event, so I always try to make it as personal for the bride and groom as possible, and spiritually uplifting for everyone involved.  Weddings are a time for joy, but not for pranks and jokes.  Sometimes small glitches occur, but usually everything goes according to the plan. Recently I officiated a beautiful, spiritually blessed wedding– and this time the glitch was on me.

The groom and best man stood beside me on the platform as the beautiful bride made her way down the aisle arm in arm with her proud father.  As they took their place directly in front of me, the music ceased and I invited the congregation to please be seated.  All eyes and ears were on me as I began the beautiful words of the traditional ceremony.  “We have gathered here today….”

Now, here was the problem.  Just as I took a quick breath to begin, a tiny gnat just happened to be flying past my lips and was promptly inhaled like a flash into my throat.  Whatever I said turned

Continue reading HOLY HORSEFLIES !

MY FRIEND, MIRANDA

handcuffed manYou have the right to remain silent and refuse to answer questions. Do you understand?

Anything you do say may be used against you in a court of law. Do you understand?

You have the right to consult an attorney before speaking to the police and to have an attorney present during questioning now or in the future. Do you understand?

If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you before any questioning if you wish. Do you understand?

Continue reading MY FRIEND, MIRANDA

SPEAKING IN CURSIVE

Last week I spent some time in a retail tire store waiting to get a new set of tires on my truck.  Using the down time to check my email on my smart phone, I found myself totally distracted by a meltdown that was occurring on the other end of the waiting area.  Some guy was not happy about his tires, and was letting the store employee know about it something fierce!cursing  Whoa!  I quickly looked around to make sure there were no women and children in earshot of his verbal tirade.  Although I was interested in what the tire guy had done wrong in case I needed to beware of buyers remorse, it was totally impossible to follow his logic since every other word made me cringe.  Fortunately, the two took it outside and I was spared the full performance.  Later I got a text from a co-worker who asked, “Are you busy?”  My response was, “No. Just listening to a guy speak cursive.”  On the other end I read, “What??”

Continue reading SPEAKING IN CURSIVE