• Last week’s “Epic Fail” post got more blog site comments and Facebook shares than almost any other in the past year.  And still the whole story has not been told. Like the Happy Days TV show in the seventies, there are multiple spin-off stories surrounding our epic fail.  If you haven’t read the Epic Fail post, read it first, then this post will make sense.  If you’re one of those who are still laughing at our epic fail (and feeling sorry for poor Pastor Benny) then hold on– the ride continues.

I noted in last week’s post that Clark was so torn-up hearing Benny’s first hand description of being marooned on the side of the road, that he got us lost on our way back to the mountain retreat cabin.  That was only a quick glossing over of the story.  Here’s how it really happened.

Clark and I, sporting the big 15 passenger “people mover,” picked up poor abandoned Benny on the highway’s edge.  He was wet, mad, and sitting in the dark– waiting while we finish shopping at the Red Lion supermarket.  After profuse apologies we headed back toward the cabin, again depending on GPS to direct us to our destination.  Our first time up the mountain had been in the daylight, and Pastor Larry was the driver.  Of course, neither of us had paid any attention to the signs and turns at that time, and so all we had now was the robotic GPS lady barking out directions in the dark.  Besides, we were both grief stricken hearing Benny describe his ordeal.  Navigation was an issue, for sure.

Lady GPS suddenly ordered us to take a quick left onto a narrow street at the base of the mountain (Mt. Nausea).  The narrow road looked totally unfamiliar, but when GPS “recalculates,” you just have to go with it.

The wide-bodied people mover crept down the road and around the tight curves in the darkness of night as we listened to Benny recount his sad tale.  Benny abruptly stopped his story, “Hey, Clark.  I hope we don’t meet anyone coming down this road.  Our bus is almost taking up the whole road.”

“Look,” I added.  “I know it’s dark, but I don’t see any trees.  Clark, I don’t remember this road taking us through a pasture, do you?

We journeyed on.  It seemed that the road got narrower and narrower.  Finally we rounded a curve to the right and stopped just before we crossed a rustic bridge.

“I don’t remember crossing a bridge either,” Clark announced.  “And this bridge isn’t wide enough for the people mover!”

“We’re going to have to back up and turn around!” I interjected.  “This is weird.”  By this time Benny had stopped his story entirely and was intently looking around for an option.

“Guys, look!” Benny exclaimed, “It’s a putting green!  We’re on a golf course!”

A few seconds of silence and then an eruption of laughter.  “Stupid GPS!” I acknowledged.

“Guys, tell me, what else could happen?  Benny inserted.

“Don’t ask,” Clark said as he put the big bus into reverse.  “It’s been raining.  I just hope we don’t get stuck somewhere on the ninth hole.  A 15 passenger golf cart would be hard to explain.”  The back-up beeps on the vehicle echoed across the quiet golf course.  Somehow we found our way out of the fairway and back onto the main road.  Then we “felt” our way up the mountain and back to the cabin since the GPS lady was obviously smoking something.

Earlier, just after Clark had received Benny’s phone call in the Red Lion parking lot, he had called the cabin to alert the others about our big mistake.  Joel was the lucky guy who answered his phone.

“Joel, this is Clark.  Look around.  Do you notice anything missing?”  Joel glanced around the cabin great room and simply answered. “Benny?”  Benny’s absence had just raced across Joel’s mind for the very first time.

“Yes. it’s Benny.  We left him.  Over two hours ago.….in the rental office bathroom!”

“Oh no!”  Joel said.  “So that’s why his bags are still sitting outside on the porch where we unloaded them.  This is not good.”

“No, this is bad.”  Clark postulated correctly.  “Be sure you let everyone know so they can be prayed-up and prepared.”  They had to wake up Pastor Ron.  He had already gone to bed, not interested in all at the Steeler’s game on TV.  For the next hour (while we were shopping and touring a golf course in the dark) the guys went over endless scenarios of how it could have happened, and what was the best explanation.  There WAS no best explanation.

To be fair, on staff retreats in the past, Benny was the one most likely to go on extended hikes down forest trails with a Grizzly Adams staff in his hand.  He enjoyed the solitude and opportunity for prayer.  Periods of Benny’s absence was not unusual.  But at night?  In the dark?  During a Steeler’s game?  No way.

So, at the end of the day, apologies were all that could be offered.  And at the end of the day, Benny chose to let our epic fail be a hilarious memory rather than a deep wound.  

“Whoever would foster love covers over an offense,
but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.”  Proverbs 17:9

FYI, the very next year our staff retreat included Jay in the mix– as the new lead Pastor.  He laughed along as we recounted the story on its one-year anniversary– and he made sure no one got left!   Unfortunately, Benny had an accident on a zip line adventure, tearing his ACL and visiting a north Georgia ER.  That was not laughing matter, and a really painful experience.

The following year, on a disc golf course, Benny got stung in the face by a yellow jacket.  His eye swelled up like a balloon.

The next year we cancelled staff retreats.

Prayer meetings are more effective, and not nearly as dangerous–  and never an “EPIC FAIL.”