It was the Fall of 2005 when I first got the big idea.  In just over six months I would be celebrating a half-century of living and breathing on planet Earth.  One hundred years earlier life expectancy for a male in Alabama was only 39 years, so in the big scheme of things turning fifty as a healthy man was a milestone.  We Americans always extra-celebrate birthdays #1, #10, #13, #16, #21, #40, #50, #80, and hopefully #90.  After that, we celebrate the passing of months, not years.

My wife, Peggy, began hinting around at what special gift or celebration would be appropriate  She’s a planner, so waiting until the last minute to arrange an April 2006 shindig was out of the question.  I usually dream big, so I began to mull over what would be the most memorable way to celebrate the big 5-0.

Ever since Mom died in 1999, I had tried to make sure I kept in touch with Dad in Ashland often– with a weekly phone conversation at least.  It was during one of those phone calls that I first got the big idea.  Dad and I were recounting, as we often did, his time in the army during World War 2.  It was like he remembered every step he took from the day he landed on a Normandy beach, on through northern France, and all the way to Frankfort, Germany and beyond.  I’ve heard it a thousand times and could almost picture it– ALMOST, but not really.

Eureka!  Why not take a short trip with Dad to France– beginning at a Normandy beach and trace his path right into Germany?!!  It would be the best 50th ever, and for Dad a way to show me what he had told me about my whole life.  It was one of those Ah-ha moments; an epiphany of sorts; a dream come true idea– a bonding event for the father I admired so much, but had struggled to be close to all my growing-up years.  It could be my gift to Dad.  This was IT.  It was our common ground.  I was the history teacher, and he was the guy who had lived it.  It was perfect!  I couldn’t wait to put the plan together and tell Dad about it!!!  I got out the maps and created a 6-day dream trip.  Dad was going to be thrilled!  He would be beside himself!  I would surely be his favorite (sorry Mike, sorry Donna– just kidding!)  I made up a reason to travel to Ashland and tell him all about it.

And I did.  He sat quietly in his favorite recliner as I explained my big idea. Afterward, there was a moment of silence as his eyes wandered around the room.  I could tell he was searching for what to say, and how to say it.  His reaction was not what I was expecting.  He rambled his way through it:

“Son, that sounds like a great plan, and I appreciate the invitation.  I think you should go, but I don’t really want to go back there.  At one point your mother and I talked about taking that same trip, but her health wasn’t up to it so we decided against it.  I had always told myself that if I couldn’t take Marylyn with me, I wouldn’t want to go at all.  Besides, the war was over 60 years ago so I probably wouldn’t be able to recognize anything, anyway.  I think I’d rather remember it the way it was the first time– and it might be a little bit too emotional for me right now.”

“Mark,I have three children, two daughters-in-law, a son-in-law, and seven grandchildren to live for.  I think I’d rather spend my remaining time with them, and not the French.  They didn’t seem to like me anyway.  I appreciate it Mark, but the Lord let me survive one tour in Europe, and that was enough.”

Dad was right.  We can live life only once.  Re-living it is impossible.

By the way, I stayed home for my 50th.  Dad got to celebrate with me and all of the family– in Alabama.

Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
when it is in your power to act.
Do not say to your neighbor,
“Come back tomorrow and I’ll give it to you”—
when you already have it with you.  Proverbs 3:27-28

“I shall pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”

-Stephen Grellet