Yes and No– two powerful words. Both say a lot. But use them together and you have ambiguity. Use them together in a courtroom and you have trouble.
Several years ago I was subpoenaed to testify in court for a simple custody case. A fine couple in our church were hoping to get custody of their young niece, who’s mother had been arrested for drug possession several times and hospitalized in a mental institution. It seemed like an easy case to me. As their pastor, they needed me to be a simple “character” witness, testifying about their family stability, moral character, and suitability to be loving guardians for the child.
In reality things were much more complicated than I thought. First of all, the state wanted to keep them in foster care. (I’m sure they had their reasons. I’m not making a judgement on that.) Secondly, there was more than one set of relatives vying for custody. And the mom wasn’t happy about her daughter being ordered to live with the happy family from Kingwood. Lawyers had been hired to keep the girl out of the hands of family.
After I had been sworn in to “tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth,” Lawyer #1 asked me a question and demanded a one word answer– “yes” or “no.” I gave a confident “yes” answer. He asked another question, and it too was an easy, “yes.” Then he began peppering me with question after question in rapid succession, demanding “yes” or “no” on each. I was rattled; my head was swimming. With more than one of the questions, there was no way I could give a “yes/no” answer. It wasn’t that kind of a question. Yes or No just wouldn’t suffice. It wouldn’t be fair. A simple yes or no, without an explanation, would be misleading.
Still, the cocky barrister pressed me, “Just answer yes or no, Reverend Sims.”
“But I can’t. It isn’t a yes or no question,” I responded.
“Yes or no, and nothing more,” he retorted. I was stunned, scattered, and diced. I turned to my left to appeal to the judge, looking him right in the eye.
“Your Honor, I cannot answer the question truthfully with a yes or no, and I swore to tell nothing but the truth.” The Judge wasted no time in responding to my appeal.
“Reverend Sims, you must answer the question truthfully with one word– YES, or NO.”
I took a deep breath and remembered how as a child I would stare at the statue on top of the Clay County courthouse– a blindfolded woman holding a pair of scales in her hand! I always wondered why Lady Justice was represented as blind. I thought, “I know the official reason is so that she can be impartial, but today it appears that she doesn’t care to even look!”
“No?” I muttered, allowing the inflection of my voice to rise for an indication uncertainty.
“Thank you,” the lawyer said with a satisfied grin. “No further questions, Your Honor.”
The Kingwood couple did not get custody. I wondered if it was because of me. But if I had said, “yes” it would have looked just as bad, maybe even worse. It was a no-win nightmare, like asking a friend– “Do you still beat your wife? Yes or no.” Either answer gives the wrong impression. Yes means you do, and No means “I used to, but don’t anymore.”
The truth was that the lawyer was trying to discredit me by making me a waffling witness. He succeeded. I left doubt hanging in the air. Ambiguity is never strong.
So what’s the deal? Everything in life is not black or white; yes or no. But in today’s world, “maybe” and “sort of” and “sometimes” rules the day. In a sincere attempt to be safe, we become vague, with the backbone of a noodle. God’s courtroom is not that way.
“NO” is an authoritarian POWER word. It places limits on people and actions.
“You shall have no other God’s before me.” Commandment number One.
It is a great word to use when limits are called for, such as– in the personal struggle against sin; in the taming of the fleshly nature; in the reigning in of sinful desires; in fending off attacks of the Enemy. BUT “No” can also be used to unfairly control individuals, groups, the masses– such as government regulations; using threats of punishment and fines, etc. Religious legalism LOVES the word “NO,” and so does the government.
On the other hand, “YES” is not a power word, it’s an EMPOWERMENT word. Yes removes limits and opens doors. “Yes” doesn’t use power, it shares power, it gives power. (Note: Sometimes it gives too much power to those who don’t need it.) Where “no” is a rebuke, “yes” is an encouragement.
“Whatever God has promised gets stamped with the Yes of Jesus. In him, this is what we preach and pray, the great Amen, God’s Yes and our Yes together, gloriously evident. God affirms us, making us a sure thing in Christ, putting his Yes within us” (2 Corinthians 1:20-21 The Message)
It takes discernment to know when to say YES and when to say NO. Both are necessary in this life. Wishy washy truth only confuses and frustrates. Satan loves to use confusion and frustration to wreck us.
Still, I want to live my life saying more yes’s than no’s; more encouraging and less correcting, and spending more of my energy empowering others, rather than displaying my authority and power.
Yes. You can hear from God. Yes. He will speak to you. No. Don’t always live life in gray spaces. No. Don’t give the Devil an opportunity.
Jesus said, “Let your yes be yes, and your no be no. Anything else is from the Evil One.” (Matthew 5:37)
